Hospital Was Full Of People Who Were 'Not Well'

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 22 May 2019

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Hospitals are feeling the strain

News is just now emerging of what witnesses are describing as "a scene from a disaster movie" in a regional hospital last Wednesday morning, after a local man who turned up for a routine outpatient appointment claimed:

"It was absolute chaos! There were sick people everywhere!"

Moys Kenwood, 53, went along to the diabetic clinic at Hull Royal Infirmary at 8:07am today, and was alarmed at the scenes of trauma he experienced.

"It was like a battlefield!" he enthused. "Walking wounded everywhere! People on trolleys being wheeled this way and that at top speed with wires and drips rocking about, nurses running in and out shouting orders - it was bedlam!"

According to Kenwood, it wasn't just inside the building that looked like a warzone:

"Ambulances were arriving every couple of minutes, emptying out patients unable to walk, victims of accidents, bloodstained, half-conscious, unconscious, heads bashed in, broken legs, broken arms, bandages, screaming, shouting, crying, wailing...it was murder!"

Hospitals have been hit hard by the government's cuts, and are suffering from a lack of staff and resources. Waiting lists for operations are getting longer, and the people on those lists are having to wait longer, many of them dying at home before they get to see medical staff.

Our reporter stopped a doctor who was sprinting past on his way to surgery, who said:

"A regular, underpaid day at work, to be honest."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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