Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 1 February 2019

image for Margaret Thatcher Statue Is Creepily Real, And May Come To Life, Say Residents
The head of the statue, trying to come alive earlier today

A statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, due to be sited in her hometown of Grantham in Lincolnshire, has worried local residents, who say it looks too lifelike, and may come alive to scare them.

Thatcher, thankfully now dead, was the first woman PM, and earned the nickname the 'Iron Lady'. She was like Marmite - you either loved her, or hated her. Most people hated her, like they do Marmite.

The statue, which cost £300,000 to hue out of solid iron will be placed on a 200-feet high plinth, so that only the most determined vandals could climb up it, and smear excrement on her face.

But locals are afraid the statue might 'come alive' at night, and chase them around their bedrooms, and have asked officials at Lincolnshire County Council to find somewhere else to tip their rubbish.

One local activist, John Mussolini, said:

"This statue is an affront to all those who suffered under her tyrannical rule - the miners, soldiers, and so on. It should be ground into atoms, and then jettisoned into outer space."

But not everyone felt quite so strongly about Dame Thatcher as John did. Joyce Biddulph, 66, who works as a School Crossing Patrol lady outside a local primary school, said:

"She was a hard woman - as hard as granite! That's why she was born in Grantham. But fair's fair; she was also a horrible bastard, so melt it down, and make tiny iron models of her to give away to every person in England, that we might never make the same mistake again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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