Theresa May in meaningful mood

Written by T. Loaf

Monday, 18 March 2019

So now, after months of strong and stable government and intensive planning, Parliament is to be allowed a vote on results: a meaningful vote.

Answering questions in Downing Street, May looked thrilled with developments.
"I'm being stable and fair here. A meaningless vote wouldn't help anyone, so a meaningful one is splendid, don't you agree? And believe me, we're ready for it. I have also introduced a meaningful and weighty indicatory system into Cabinet meetings: friendship bracelets. The more a Cabinet Minister agrees with my stance, the more friendship bracelets he or she wears. Wonderful system. I simply have to look around the room, and I immediately know the score. Haven't you noticed? Our Front Bench is really colourful now. I don't have to ask or say anything. Art of science. My incumbent Chancellor, Philip Hammond, wore a dozen yesterday. One of them was a gleaming turquoise and grey. Must ask him where he got it. Poor old Amber Rudd always forgets to wear hers. Never mind, she's still young."

Journalists were becoming worried about the Prime Minsiter's mind, and such concerns were underlined when she danced the Charleston with a Constable outside No. 10, before returning to the lectern.

"Another thing," she beamed. "A meaningful vote is not a telling vote, you mustn't forget that. And it's not a trifling vote. One of those is coming up next week. It's also not a momentous vote, so don't overrate it. It's merely meaningful. And of course it's non-binding, unless I like it". She pointed briefly to the Police Officer outside No. 10. "Actually I prefer the Bossa Nova, but he can't do it," she laughed. "As long as we keep our sense of humour, what!?"

Rumours that Boris Johnson was to return to the Cabinet brought about, well, a meaningful expression to her face. "Wonderful party colleague. He ensures continuity of that great tradition of mendacity and scheming woven into the fabric of Conservative party politics. What would we do without him?"

"And please, please do not underestimate the power of Parliament. Yes, all motions are amendable and, yes, all votes can be repealed, unless we decide differently. But a meaningful vote is just that, I mean otherwise it would all make no sense, would it...?" The plastic grin accompanied her back inside.
"Oooooohhh I am enjoying this," she crooned.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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