Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 8 March 2019

image for Theresa May Arrested After 'Fields Of Wheat' Farmer Comes Forward
What's the naughtiest thing YOU'VE ever done?

Prime Minister Theresa May is in police custody tonight after a farmer raised a complaint over trespass on his land which occurred more than half a century ago.

Farmer Giles, whose farm is near Wheatley, in Oxfordshire, says that the future Prime Minister and several of her friends encroached onto his land, and "paraded wantonly" through his wheat fields, damaging his crops.

Sometimes they sang dirty songs whilst doing so.

Said the farmer:

"It's all very well her bragging and making fun about it during interviews on television, but what about my wheat? It doesn't take well to young girls running through it and all over it."

Police say that, after this period of time, there is little they can do apart from caution Mrs May about her behaviour, which is what they will do tomorrow before releasing her.

The poor farmer said:

"It wouldn't have been quite so bad if they'd been pretty young things, with pert breasts and short skirts, but she was almost as ugly then as she is now, the iron-faced old munter!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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