Written by Backandtotheleft

Friday, 1 March 2019

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The UK government has forked out a 33million-quid settlement to EuroTunnel over the handing out of ferry contracts in the event of a no deal Brexit. It doesn’t bode well for our negotiating teams if they’ve ended up losing a court case to a fucking tunnel, but what do you expect when “Minister for Mayhem” Chris Grayling is in charge?

Representatives for EuroTunnel said that the contracts had been handed out in a “secretive way”, that “there was no open bidding process”, and “that daft cunt Grayling gave a fucking ferry contract to a company that has zero ships”.

After handing over £33million, and after being told the £100million he’d wasted on privatizing probation services was now “fucked up the wall”, Mr Grayling decided he needed a lie down.

Before he could scuttle off to his chambers, we asked if he had anything to say on the whole situation. He said:

"How can you blame me? Yes, I am beyond incompetent, and would have serious trouble running a bath, never mind a government department, but how is this my fault? Surely, there must be some way we can pin this on the EU and other caddish foreigners?"

You feel that Chris Grayling would have to kill somebody for him to get the sack, but then you remember that Tory austerity has already been doing that, and you realize these cunts are bullet proof.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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