Resignations Rock The Tory Party

Written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 28 February 2019

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Breaking news just hitting us in the face like we wished that train had done last night, damn that passing woman and her wish to help those in need!

EX-UKIP and current Tory bottom-feeder, George Eustice, has today resigned from government. “Who even is this random (presumably) cunt from the Tory party?” we hear you cry. A lingering fart in the House of Commons has had more impact than this guy.

Mr Eustice is described as “vehamatibly EU” which, in our opinion, means he just joins the ranks of people who have never fucked someone who’s not from their city.

Eustice has decided to resign because he believes he’s watched the UK being forced into a variety of “retreats”. We’d have thought this would have got his dick hard as Brexiteers favourite historical event was Dunkirk, wasn’t it?

George believes he has watched the UK humiliate itself “again and again” through this process. He has. So has the rest of the country. It’s called Prime Minister's Questions, and shows our entire leadership caste as the shit-swilling bunch of bellowing cunts they actually are.

Mr Eustice is all for dragging the country out of the EU with “no deal”, so he can satisfy some weird fantasy about the country “doing it on its own” again.

It’s a shame the normal everyday people can’t resign from a government as quickly as its own ministers do. Will he be missed? According to other Ministers he will be, but we reckon he’ll be replaced by another suit-wearing haemorrhoid plucked from the anus of society as soon as possible.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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