A routine prime ministerial brain scan has shown a large quantity of nuts piled inside Theresa May's brain cavity. A doctor described the results as surprising, and said, "Normally, we would expect to find the brain there."
The nuts are mostly acorns, with some walnuts and pine nuts amongst them. Medics have begun to form theories about how they came to be there.
Doctor Geoff Ribs suggested that a rogue squirrel had been hiding the nuts, possibly as an emergency food store in case of a no-deal Brexit.
His colleague, Doctor Jeremy Arse, thought that May had tried to hide the nuts herself in her cheeks, like a hamster. However, as she lacks gerbiloid cheek pouches, the nuts had slipped backwards into her brain cavity.
All doctors agreed though, that they had no idea how the PM functioned.
