Scotland BSE Outbreak, Tories Suffering Too

Written by Paxton Quigley

Thursday, 1 November 2018


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Dominic Raaaaaaaab is in therapy

Following the recent announcement that BSE has broken out in Scotland again, the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons has confirmed what many in the country have been thinking for several years, that members of the so-called Conservative and Unionist party are suffering from their own version of what was once termed "mad cow disease", i.e. BSE or Brexit spongiform encephalopathy.

Commonly known as mad cow disease, BSE is a transmissible spongiform encephalopathy and fatal neurodegenerative disease in cattle that may be passed to humans who have supped from the cup of Brexit. BSE causes a spongiform degeneration of the brain which affects the central nervous system, causing agitation and staggering. This is often confused with the effects of too much gin, whisky or champagne in older party members, although there are none under the age of 65.

Dominic Raaaaaaaab, who is this week Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, spoke to The Spoof's Brexit Editor.

"God, it's so fucking difficult trying to talk sense into these idiots. I campaigned for leaving, but now that I'm involved in the so-called negotiations, which are more like a surrender, it's more and more apparent that it's a disaster.

"Employers, business, the security services, the police, the NHS, the car industry, the IMF, scientists, even that bastard John Deadwood, all of them are telling us it's economic suicide. But what do I get whenever I meet the 1922 committee or my constituency party? I'll tell you, nothing but braying like horses, table slamming and Out means out. Brexit means Brexit. We won the war. Fuck business. What a bunch of wankers.

"I was against it once, but now due to this fucking disease in their few functioning brain cells, it seems that the only way out is for the people to take back control and have a new vote."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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