Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 25 February 2019

Embattled poisonous harpy (and current UK Prime Minister) Theresa May has admitted she’ll “probably stay on after Brexit”. Despite the fact she’s as popular as a Klan member at a Martin Luther King Jr memorial service.

May said (after a healthy belch): "Well, I don’t see why not…do you? I mean, yes, my party will have done untold damage to the country through austerity and an ill-thought out Brexit, but we can do more."

She used one of her long fingernails to pick out a coal black lump from her nose which she flicked at us rather aggressively before continuing:

"Despite our best efforts, we will, of course, still be looking at many problems that are still blighting our society. Schools will still be open in the North of England, hospitals will be accessible to poor people, and food banks will still be doing their disgusting charity work. Filthy, disgusting charity."

She spat on the floor, and the green bile ate through the stone and disappeared from sight. A scream was heard from below - a servant, perhaps.

The smell of spoiled meat seemed to hang in the air like a drunk wasp, and our eyes had begun to drip blood.

May spoke again her voice slick with hate:

"The beauty of this stupid, fearful population is that they’ll ask me to come back. Beg for it. Like a desperate SnM junkie craving the boot of their betters crushing their windpipes. All safety nets will crumble, and we will finally break the back of the people. And they’ll smile while we do it."

A ringing in our ears forced us from the room, and, just as the door slammed shut behind us, we saw her thin flesh begin to spool away from her bones and her jaw unhinge as she began to feed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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