Theresa May's Love Letter

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 25 November 2018


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Theresa May has released a letter to the British public detailing her Brexit plan. The letter has been released in two forms: one, a traditional letter, and the other (to appeal to hardcore “Brexiteers”), will be released in the form of a thirty second meme, where a balding, fat guy pisses on an EU flag. We decided to print the letter in its entirety, mainly to fill out our word count quota.

Dear Britain,
How you doing? You alright? I’m great, really great. As you’re probably aware there’s been a lot of fuss over a silly little thing called “The Brexit”, which is nothing to worry about. It’s just something were putting in place to help us avoid EU-imposed tax laws, and to appease a few frothing-at-the-mouth racists who don’t like Greek taxi drivers, and think Islam is a country. The deal I have put in place will, of course, make us substantially worse off. When I say “us”, I, of course, mean “you”, but don’t think too much about that. The will of the British people was to produce a Brexit we could rank up there with all of our other past achievements. It was to be our Battle of Britain, our D-Day and our Gallipoli, rolled into one. In one way, we are a political Deliveroo rider, and we have delivered our tasty Brexit dish to the door of every Brexiteer in the country. We have ended the free movement of people once and for all! Which, as I write it down, sounds very much like something that the “bad guys” would say! LOL! Anyway, I’m rambling...where was I? Oh, yes, “The Brexit”. Well, look, it’s all sorted, so nobody has to worry anymore. In fact, the less thinking about it, the better. Don’t think, don’t worry! That’s our country's motto. We have taken back control, and given it squarely to a small cabal of politicians who were produced in the same incestuous way. Of course, we’ll be saving some money - not a lot, when you consider all the cash we’ve wasted doing this, which we could then spend on the NHS. We could also buy a giant balloon that says “Go Home, Foreigners”, so we’ll have to see. Anyway, I better get going. I hope this has explained all the little ins and outs of Brexit and what’s going to occur in the coming months. If you have any questions or concerns, just keep them to yourself, you remoaning piece of shite.

Well, that explains everything, then.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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