Written by T. Loaf

Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Just as Theresa May thought she'd struck a deal with her EU counterparts, the 27 remaining member countries have now agreed on a curtailment which will severely hurt any Briton travelling to Europe. As of April 2019, Britons will be subjected to 15 hours quarantine before being allowed to continue their journey through the continent.

"Scandalous", fumed the French Foreign Minister, "it should be at least 3 weeks!"

Her Majesty's subjects will be questioned during this period about their views on Europe to ensure they have no intention of disseminating anti-EU bacteria. Their vehicles and luggage will be vetted for any UKIP flyers or spurious claims of benefits for national health systems.

"We've had this before with BSE, or 'Mad Cow Disease'. Affected creatures were destroyed, usually by burning. Well, we might be more lenient on that front....but Brussels still has to decide on a concept", said an official at the Belgian capital. "We might or we might not...", he added. Nothing new there, then.

Whitehall staff were, meanwhile, preparing first draft bills for when the UK is finally 'out'. First on the list is the reintroduction of milk floats with glass bottles and traditional tops. "Fundamental to our existence as an island", stated a high-ranking Think Tank expert.

However, the idea met with scepticism among the public. Tina Sopp of Lowestoft, for example, was not pleased. "We had a cracked milk bottle outside our front door two years ago, and I cut my foot. Had to go to A&E. If they bring 'em back when we're out, I'm gonna vote remain next time. I mean, you need principles, don't you?!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Brexit, Theresa May




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