May's African trip causes mass deaths

Friday, 31 August 2018

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Africa - it's just like you imagined

At least 39 people are now confirmed dead in what is the worst outbreak of embarrassment in Britain since Nigel Farage gloated about winning the Brexit vote. Prime Minister Theresa May has been in Kenya this week, the first UK PM to visit the country in forty years. Her and her husband's excruciating antics have been televised on the evening news every day this week, leading to widespread cringing, blushing and death.

On Wednesday, May was invited to observe the dances of a group of Masai tribesmen. She told the shocked audience that her husband Phillip had been dying to try the limbo with Hottentots for years. Her hosts stood in silence for three whole minutes as they tried to forget the statement.

The next day, May gave a speech in Nairobi to local leaders who sat in deafening silence. She began by saying, "I am pleasantly surprised to see how well you are all doing, for a former colony." At that, there was audible seat-shifting and throat-clearing.

She continued, "We were delighted to see the African dancing yesterday. I can see where Beyonce gets it from."

Painful silence followed.

"Did I say that right?" asked May to nobody in particular. "Bee-on-say?"

She went on. "We have a lot of coloured people in Britain, too, you know." After a pause, she added, "They say 'hi'."

At that, one of her advisers handed her a piece of paper, and she rapidly concluded the speech by begging for a trade deal after Brexit.

Kenyan citizens have since launched a fundraising campaign to help victims of embarrassment in the UK.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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