Brexit has obviously caused many problems, both within the EU borders and the UK, and these problems need to be solved before the UK floats uncontrollably into the Atlantic Ocean.
Great political intellectuals (cough, cough) are busy attempting to come up with solutions for the problem of the Ireland / Northern Ireland border and, of course, BOJO, who is leading the gallop towards a UK disaster, has come up with several 'brilliantly insane' solutions.
Here are just a four of his recommendations:
1) Build a “Mexican Wall” and call it the "Humpty Trumpty Hadrian's Wall' in memory of the fall of the Roman Empire and sticking one up at Donald Trump’s failed attempt to do the same.
2) Get Bill Gates to build technical gadgets along the border and make BOJO the Microsoft president of UK operations with a salary of £2 billion a year.
3) If Bill doesn't play ball, plant a row of 'Apple' trees along the border, sponsored by Apple, with smart phones attached so trucks can be photographed as they pass. BOJO then collects 50% of import taxes and 50% of the advertising.
4) Let Northern Irish Militant groups patrol the border, Ukrainian style, with machine guns, balaclavas, and dressed in camouflage, terrorist uniforms. Any truck loaded with EU goods will be blown-up and the driver exiled to Calais.
None of these recommendations have held any water with the PM, however. But, Theresa May has elected to forward one of the ideas to the EU in a bid to placate BOJO, because she's crapping in her pants that if she doesn’t, when BOJO becomes the new PM, she will end up in The Tower with her head on the block!
And what is the idea which Theresa May will be putting to the EU negotiators? Well, BOJO's brilliantly insane idea is invisible leprechauns to patrol the border.
Since the invisible leprechauns cannot be seen, all traffic passing the border will travel freely, just like it does now. Furthermore, since BOJO's army of invisible leprechauns have dual nationality, Irish and British, they will work for the best interest of both parties.
Whisperings from Brussels indicate that the EU is willing to accept this proposal and end the deadlock on the negotiations.
It is rumoured that chief EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier commented on the plans, “We have been waiting for the UK to put forward a concrete solution for dealing with the Irish border, but all we have had so far is pie-in-the-sky proposals around IT systems which have not yet been built. These cohorts of proud workers which shall patrol the border sounds to us like a fantastic solution which is ensured to succeed.”
Whether the invisible leprechauns will work remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure, it appears that BOJO has saved Brexit!
