According to new mindblowing (but not much else) research, “TV Sets kill your sex life”. Like any normal wide-eyed, shouty Brexiteer, we didn’t bother reading the story, we just asked random people for their reactions to the unfolding drama.
Fred Tramp of Ashton-Under-Lime-But-Over-Lemonade said:
"This isn’t new news to me. My old 56inch Toshiba was jealous of my massive, swinging manhood and took offence, leaping at me from the wall fitting while I was practising my naked karate, which is the best form of karate to use to fend off an Islamist attack."
We nodded. He continued.
"My todger was bruised and I was unable to make love to my Fleshlight for a startling six months. During this time, I became addicted to pornography of men looking like Jacob Rees-Mogg and snorting chilli flakes.
Terrifying images. We then made up some statistics:
• 43% of men who own TV sets have also owned more than two pairs of slippers.
• 9% of women polled at this taxi rank had no idea who we were.
• Since the invention of the EU, there has been a sharp increase in the amount of leopards using sanitary products
before finishing with a completely rightfield conclusion that makes no sense.
We blame the Internationalist globalist Jewish fishing conspiracy.