TV Attack

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 19 September 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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According to new mindblowing (but not much else) research, “TV Sets kill your sex life”. Like any normal wide-eyed, shouty Brexiteer, we didn’t bother reading the story, we just asked random people for their reactions to the unfolding drama.

Fred Tramp of Ashton-Under-Lime-But-Over-Lemonade said:

"This isn’t new news to me. My old 56inch Toshiba was jealous of my massive, swinging manhood and took offence, leaping at me from the wall fitting while I was practising my naked karate, which is the best form of karate to use to fend off an Islamist attack."

We nodded. He continued.

"My todger was bruised and I was unable to make love to my Fleshlight for a startling six months. During this time, I became addicted to pornography of men looking like Jacob Rees-Mogg and snorting chilli flakes.

Terrifying images. We then made up some statistics:

• 43% of men who own TV sets have also owned more than two pairs of slippers.
• 9% of women polled at this taxi rank had no idea who we were.
• Since the invention of the EU, there has been a sharp increase in the amount of leopards using sanitary products

before finishing with a completely rightfield conclusion that makes no sense.

We blame the Internationalist globalist Jewish fishing conspiracy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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