Secret plans to cut public spending and increase the suffocating grip of austerity round the throat of the UK were leaked today. The plans codenamed “Operation Yellowhammer” will come into force if Britain leaves the EU with a “no deal” agreement. They will also come into effect if Britain comes out of the EU with any form of deal. Essentially the plans were drawn up by “Big” Phil Hammond because he doesn’t feel the Tory party have done enough to increase infant mortality this year.
The plans have been signed off by Civil Contingencies Secretariat who, despite sounding like a derby winner, normally deal with natural disasters and terrorism. Which kinda gives you an idea how the current government is viewing the whole Brexit farce.
Minister have moved quickly….indoors to avoid the awkward questions people have started asking about the plans. Including ones like “why is there only one hospital left in the country” and “what do you mean I’ll have to sell my body hair?”
Unnamed Whitehall sources have assured Back and to the Left news that the cuts won’t have an impact on anyone earning over a hundred grand a year.
Dave English of The Independent Remainer Hunting Division of Castleford said:
“This is exactly the type of situation these remonaers are pushing us into. If they’d been around during the war we’d all be speaking German and goose stepping by now!”
And catching trains on time.