Born To Spoof New Beginnings Chapter 5: We Meet Again!

Funny story written by JinoLeFeeto

Sunday, 22 July 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Born To Spoof New Beginnings Chapter 5: We Meet Again!
We meet again!

"Good work #3," said a disgustingly familiar voice that made my skin crawl. "Just as I asked you to do," said Mark, as he leveled a 357 magnum and silencer at me.

"I'm not #3," said #4, "Remember? I'm number 7."

"Tcch," said Mark clicking his tongue,"OHHHHH yes! Sorry my dear. Well, you've done well bringing me this naughty boy. Oh, don't look at her sooo disappointed, JLF, she's never loved you for a single second. Now down on your knees my friend and former writer." #4 avoided my eyes, but I thought I saw a tear in one corner of hers.

Thing was, I felt weak at the knees after the laundry chute tumble and my Lauren Bacall lookalike once again betraying me, or so it appeared. I looked around the rather dank surroundings of the labyrinth they were carving out in preparations for digging to China.

"Yes, look around you whilst you can, my lad. This is the NEW Spoof headquarters, and from here I will strike out with tunnels to China, Brazil, South Africa, Mongolia - ye,s even your favorite spot in Thailand. Too bad you won't be around to enjoy it."

"Goodness," I said, conversationally, "How long did this take you then? About 10 years? Starting on the tunnels soon, then, are we?"

"Wrong!" said Mark, clearly irritated at my comment. "A mere daydream this lot. Hardly took us a day or two. Nope, not even close to ten years. #3 bind his hands."

"I'm #7" said #4, irritated. She moved behind me after picking up a piece of rope.

"I thought you said he fancied #7," I said. She knelt behind me and I felt the rope going around my wrists and being drawn tight, no play, but I felt a sharp small object pressed into my right palm, and a fist with my fingers formed around it. She was putting on a show for Mark.

"Mark old chap, you do know how the earth is composed? There is molten rock in the center. You can't dig truly straight through to anyplace. Besides straight through from here will miss Beijing and come out somewhere in the Pacific Ocean."

"Oh, what twat told you that?!" exclaimed Mark angrily. "You bloody well take that back! I have scientists working on this! They don't dare get it wrong! I have the best scientists that nobody else wouldn't have wanted!! Errr, wait a second....I meant "would have wanted." Hmmmm not so sure about that one either, b bb bbbut! you damn well shut up! I'll put you on the front of the tunnel rig and let you see first hand!"

"Really, I thought you were going to kill me now," I said hoping reverse phsychology still worked with him.

"I'll kill you," he turned and pointed the gun at my head, "Any time I damned well please! But right now, I think I'm going to enjoy that sad bemused look on your face as you try to figure out an escape....Where the hell is my tunnel drill? I sent the Monkey for it hours ago!"

As if on cue, a large door at the far end of the "New" Spoof Headquarters rolled up revealing a large boring machine like something from a science fiction movie with a glittering pointed drill bit about 30 feet across and a machine driven with large tracks. It was so large it took two drivers; the first one I recognized as Monkey Woods, but the other one took more time. He was a little downtrodden, wearing old jeans and a ragged white t-shirt. I knew him only by his nickname: EQ.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more