Philip May, first husband of the UK, has revealed details about his life in 10 Downing Street to men's lifestyle magazine Jockstrap. In the interview, he describes his life being married to Theresa May as "like being a hapless accident-prone character in a wacky 70s sitcom".
He explained himself by describing various amusing incidents about the Prime Minister, such as one time when he was asked to pour the tea, where he poured the tea first before adding the milk, when rules dictate that the milk must always be poured first.
"It was hilarious," guffawed the bespectacled twat. "I looked such a fool, it was like something out of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em."
Mr May went on to list a number of other incidents where he believes that his behaviour was comparable to a 1970s sitcom character, including one Christmas when he fisted too much stuffing into the turkey and it split its sides. "Oh, how we laughed," said the weird man.
He tried to explain why his life is so hilarious. "Well, it's probably because I'm married to a vicar's daughter. After all, the dreaded visit of the vicar is a staple of the 1970s sitcom. They should make a sitcom about me!"
He became quite red-faced and said, "Remember dear, that time when your father caught me. It was just like an episode of Terry and June, when he arrived just at the time that I removed my trousers. Of course I was only removing my trousers from an ironing board but it was still hilarious. Oh what fun!"
Theresa May began to look quite angry at that point and gave her husband an evil glare. "What the f*** are you on about, you stupid c**t?" she exclaimed. "I have Trump to deal with, then I've got to work out some sh** for f***ing Brexit. Shut the f*** up you stupid v***."
Philip May then began to sing the busy bee song, at which Mrs May began to calm down and enter her robot sleep.