Written by Paxton Quigley

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

image for "War on Rugs" is Lost says Lord Hague
"I have never used a rug of any sort". Perhaps you should

Former Conservative leader Lord Hague has called for a "decisive change" in society's attitude to the use of rugs - suggesting that the Tories should consider destigmatising recreational rug use. He claimed that the sight of mainly middle aged men using rugs in the company of younger women should not be considered as unseemly and unpleasant and asked for sympathy for the users.

Writing in the Daily Telegraph, Lord Hague said "any war" has been "irreversibly lost". He goes further than senior Tories who have suggested a law change while the government is creating an expert panel to look into individual cases.

It will not be looking at the legalisation or decriminalisation of rugs for recreational use, something Prime Minister Theresa May has ruled out "because of the impact they have on people's lives".

Last week officials at Heathrow Airport confiscated a consignment of rugs from a 12 year old schoolboy, saying "Rugs, wigs, toupees, we don't care what you call them, they are all banned".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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