In the wake of the current heatwave in the UK, which, as we speak, is causing grass fires to rival the hellish scenes left in Kuwait after Sadam Hussein abandoned the oil fields using his "scorched Earth" policy, the Met office has issued a "dry grass "warning.
According to the British Meteorological Organization, not only can raging grass fires seriously threaten your life, falling or rolling on dead grass can also cause serious harm.
A spokesman said, " Dead, dry grass has become so sharp that it can easily impale the unsuspecting British person. Youngsters falling off pushbikes from a low height are especially vulnerable."
Another spokesman added, " The only things that can survive in the dry grass at the moment are ticks carrying deadly Lymes Disease, we estimate there are approximately 400 deadly ticks per square centimetre of dry grass. They were feeding off the local ladybird population, but have now switched their attentions to dogs, cats, children and adults (in that order).
However, we would still urge people not to set fire to the grass to destroy the ticks, as the dry grass can ignite at a rate of 4 miles per second in the current dry conditions.
Anyone living in the UK is urged to stay indoors and eat a Cornetto to stay cool.