Written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 1 April 2018

image for Valerie Thighborg allowed to visit Julian Assange using sign language only
Ms. Thighborg reports that although somewhat more pale Mr. Assange is erect and lively under his confinement

The embassy where Mr. Assange has been sheltered since 2012 has been jamming his communications and has not allowed visitors.

Until Ms. Thighborg’s arrival, that is.

Ms. Thighborg first met Mr. Assange as an investigator with the Swedish prosecutor’s office, as reported in these pages.

She has since left that position but remained close to Mr. Assange.

A spokesperson for Ecuador’s government said President Moreno “in an extraordinary act of generosity” has opened the door to Ms. Thighborg.

The spokesperson emphasized this generosity given “la presion sobre nosotros internacionalmente para callarlo” (the pressure on us internationally to shut him up.)

“You know,” Ms. Thighborg said, “all zee sheep must baa and follow . . . Choolian open mouth, that ees crime.”

Ms. Thighborg was required to speak to Mr. Assange only via sign language (which she referred to as “dance of zee fingers and other areas”).

Once inside, she was astonished to find herself conducted to an elevator plunging deep below street level “so Choolian is now in zee how you say dongeon like . . . ahhh . . . meedle ages.”

Inside his dungeon they could both inhabit his narrow bed rack and she could communicate with him.

At the same time embassy security kept passing in front of Mr. Assange’s iron-grated doorway into his cell so that they had to communicate mostly underneath “a tattered blanket.”

Security personnel stated Mr. Assange has a right to remain silent and use sign language, and if he would just abide faithfully to this rule--mouth shut and sign language only--he might be allowed back to his regular room and access to the balcony.

They said that now instead of having citizenship and diplomatic status with Ecuador he is charged with being a State Nuisance.

Plus a tiny country like Ecuador is (under this new president) obliged to cooperate with places like the UK and the US.

The previous president, Rafael Correa, who had originally granted Mr. Assange refuge couldn’t be classified as “a normal politician, ” they said.

Ms. Thighborg relayed that Mr. Assange already has secreted a fork by which he is working on a hole at the back of his cell and a tunnel to somewhere.

His spirits are “excellent,” she said. His message to everybody is: “Don' let them shut you up.”

Yes, she indicated, Mr. Assange is more pale, but—

“Other tendencies? Never stronger!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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