New British passport to be fifty shades of blue

Written by T. Loaf

Tuesday, 10 April 2018

Whitehall officials yesterday confirmed that all British passport holders currently in possession of the Burgundy European Union document will be issued with a new passport, in fifty shades of blue, once the UK has cast off the shackles of evil, sadistic EU membership compulsions and covenants emanating from the ultimate city of sin, Brussels.

"Yes, it appears conjoined to E.L. James' novel and the subsequent blockbuster, but we see it as symbolic of the endless sadomasochistic tales spun during our more than 45-year affiliation. And, of course, the masochistic element continues as we may be subjecting our nation to unprecedented pain and agony after we have left."

Inaugural Brexit Minister, David Davis, smiled and chuckled, a feature he shares with others of mendacious proclivity, including Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage.

"Fifty shades of blue are just right for our new identity", exclaimed Davis.

Farage added, "I'd like to see a beer stain on one of the pages to typify our heritage. I'd have preferred fifty stains of ale myself", he chortled before exiting left to get another round in.

"Excellent chaps", quipped Johnson. "Spot on, and...well...fifty if that's not a compromise, what is? I mean, to quote Nietzsche, or sort of: You're going to Europe? Don't forget your whip! - or something like that, I believe.... or whatever...indeed. We have to admit, it's all turning out terribly well, don't you think?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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