Wednesday, 31 January 2018

image for UK minister says the hardest part of Brexit negotiations is "not mentioning the war"
Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Juncker?

David Davis, the Brexit minister, has given a frank and open interview to journalist Frank Open, and revealed some details about the process of extricating the UK from the EU.

"It's very difficult," said Davis. "Barnier [chief negotiator for the EU] will come into the room, and he's French so we'll try our best not to make jokes about surrendering, like once I said 'We will never surrender to the EU's demands'.

"Often one of us will deliberately make a mistake, then say 'I did that, I hold my hands up.' We have a laugh! One of our assistants is called Victoria French, but we often just call her Vichy France - by mistake. You should see the look on Barnier's face."

"Sometimes Donald Tusk will join in the meetings - and he's Polish - so as you can imagine the jokes come thick and fast. One time he was sitting quite close to me, and I stretched out my arms. One of the other chaps on the British team said, 'Careful, you're invading his personal space!' Oh, how we laughed."

"Obviously most of our jokes are aimed at the Bosch - I mean, the Germans. Just the other day, one of the German EU negotiators was trying to get us to agree to a settlement for the Northern Irish border. I immediately replied 'I bet you just want to annex it all, don't you!'"

"It's all good fun though, like an episode of 'Allo 'Allo. It's a shame none of the Europeans have a sense of humour. For some reason they just want to get on with the work of negotiation. They should do like we do - just relax, soak up the attacks, and wait for the Americans to eventually join in and save us."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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