May vs Corbyn: Election Fashion

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 29 May 2017

Fashion on the long winding election road seems to be deadly important. It matters little to none if a politician is able to deal effectively with the EU or our upcoming Brexit begging but it does matter to the wider public what type of shoes their wearing.

We at Back and to the Left news got together with a "fashion expert" (one of us in a wig) and they told us what the leading parties candidates should be wearing to appeal to the masses.

Theresa May: Obviously a strong powerful woman with her thoughts set on domination. She should start with boots, big nasty looking boots to crush her enemies under foot. A long flowing cape will give her the grandiose look that will appeal to voting communities who like cape wearing politicians. Three quarter length trousers (preferably of the Kappa brand) will make her look like she's about to spring into action. Couple this with a shirt that reads "Strong and Stable" then you really have a woman who's ready to take on her enemies, the poor, the sick anyone earning under £50K. She should also wear no underwear as it's restrictive and adds precious seconds to her toilet time.

Jeremy Corbyn: Wellies and thick socks because of the filth he's having to wade through. A solid jumper, plain, possibly red. The sleeves should always be rolled down to stop people seeing his tattoos. He should put some baubles in his beard to give himself an all round festive look. A mass of scarves and woolly hats to give out to freezing old people who come to his rallies. Possibly finished off with a pair of trousers that have loads of pockets. In them he could keep varying lengths of string, batteries, couple of dog biscuits and a fishing hook or two.

Paul Nuttal: Union Jack trousers. Union jack shirt that say's "I love Spitfires" on the front and "Remember the War!!! Two World Wars One World Cup" and have a picture of a boozed up Brit abroad kicking a German off a sun bed. He should never wear a cap. If possible he should start smoking cigars to invoke the spirit of Churchill Always be carrying a trident. As a metaphorical commitment to our nuclear program and so he can physically sink illegal immigrants boats.

Nicola Sturgeon: Dress like Brave heart.

Tim Farren: We don't even know if we spelt this name right and he isn't going to get enough votes for us to care. He should probably stick to wearing just clothes in general as an indecent exposure claim is the last thing he and his party needs.

Adam Walker: As he is a BNP creature he could just wear a clown suit?

So remember to ignore all information presented about a parties plans for the country. Only think about what their leaders are wearing at any one point. After all this election isn't about policies but a Britain's Got Talent style personality and fashion contest!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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