Jeremy Corbyn reveals election plan

Sunday, 23 April 2017

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Jeremy Corbyn recently celebrating St Patrick's Day

Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn has revealed his plan for the 2017 general election, even though polls show that he has almost no chance of victory. He will wear a red pointy hat and boots, and sit on a giant toadstool in his front garden with a fishing rod until the Labour party win an election.

The strategy is an unusual one, and one that is unlikely to appeal to many voters. However, it comes not from his own brain, but from that of distinguished left wing thinker Gnome Chomsky. The Daily Retch have already branded Corbyn a "failure" and bizarrely blamed the EU for pressuring him into plotting the "hare-brained scheme".

A Labour party spokesman defended Corbyn, saying that it showed he was not afraid of trying new things. He added that the party had always been about "the little people".

It is not the first time a UK party leader has dressed up as a mythical character. PM Theresa May is often a stoney-faced witch who indulges in human sacrifice, while SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has been playing an angry hobbit for years.

There have been no further polls since Corbyn's announcement, but political commentator Rosette Polling-Station thought that the stunt wouldn't help him. "Maybe if he dressed up as something a bit more relevant - like a popular 1940s variety show comedian - then it could work, but Theresa May's husband has already got that covered."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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