General Election Watch

Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 22 May 2017

In the run up to the General Election the media have moved away from trying to see if Jeremy Corbyn has eaten a baby and actually asked a question or two about the Conservatives "Social Care Plan". Back and to the Left news investigates.

Well we're not "investigating" anything we're going to just lay out the key points of their plan and let you decide on it. All fair. No agenda.

1. If the value of all your assets (at the point of needing social care) is in excess of the value of eight golden sceptres then you will have to contribute the full cost of your care.

2. If you have assets that are valued at less than three golden sceptres then your assets will be taken away from you and sold. You will receive "minimal care" which will involve you're local postman shouting through your letter box once a week to see if you're alive

3. If you have no assets that can be valued in relation to golden sceptres then we have no idea what to do with you. I mean who doesn't own golden sceptres?

4. If you have the good fortune to become old and all the other obstacles we threw in front of you didn't kill you....then shut up! You've retired at the grand old age of 105 and now enjoy your £17 a week pension.

Obviously there's been a back lash towards these plans, that was expected, the Conservatives haven't released anything popular since the 1900s, with Labour accusing them of creating a "dementia tax" with these new plans. The Tories responded with "No we're not but that's a bloody good idea" Presumably because they could tax the affected twice and get away with it.

An update: According to other lesser news outlets The Conservatives have "U-Turned" on their plans for social care. Have the Tories bowed to the considerable pressure this article surely exerted? Almost certainly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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