Terror Attack Jumps Out Of Cupboard At The UK

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 31 July 2016

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An ISIS Supporter

"A UK terror attack is a matter of IF and not WHEN"

The headline screamed out at us as we began lifting chunks of the article off the well respected news website and pasting it into our own. It sent a chill down our spine. A anonymous MET police chief had come forward to give a exclusive interview to (let's call it "The Moon" newspaper) and now we were picking out the best bits.

"A terror attack on the UK will happen. It will occur and it will be messy. There is absolutely nothing we can do to stop it except pray."

Do we not have measure in place to prevent such a event?

"Measures? The only measures we should be talking about are the healthy whiskey measures we're going to have to give our kids so they will go to sleep. We are seriously going to ramp up the fear on this one."

Do you think that the powers that be will use any example of a terror attack to erode more of our personal freedoms?

"Without a doubt! If we can pin the disappearance of a cat on ISIS we will. We need a Islamic State attack on this country."

Why do you say that?

"A good solid terrorist attack will enable us to get back to shouting about "blitz spirit" and waving flags about and singing the national anthem. We will say it's a attack on all our British values! Then the people will welcome the government prying into our emails and beg them to set up police checkpoints. They will never question why the NHS is underfunded, why the nation sustains on pay day loans and food banks. We will give them a enemy. A enemy that looks different to them a enemy they can easily hate all together."

Don't you think that people will be shocked by what your saying?

"Don't be absurd. The people who read your paper will have read the title and shouted to their partner "bloody Muslims at it again. It'd be better if we kill the lot of em" and then turned to the celebrity gossip pages. We are literally destroying their country right in front of their eyes and they are practically applauding us for doing it. It's fucking glorious."

So remember kids sleep soundly in your beds as the powers that be look after us.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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