As Britain resides in the grip of a paralysis due to a foreign invader (the sun) Back and to the Left news decided to get some insight into this deadly heat wave. We spoke to Sun journalist Farr Right to try and gauge the nation's feelings on these, the most testing, of times.
So Mr Right-
Indeed. So what is The Suns official position on the sun itself.
Well we stand up for hard working British families in our paper. British values and British produce for hard working British families and this "sun" is very un-British
Well it is from space.
Exactly. Foreign. Now me, or my paper, isn't saying all things foreign are evil, far from it. But we are saying when was the last time this "sun" did anything for hard working British families or our brave heroes in the armed forces?
It's the sun mate.
Yes. The "sun" as you call it. Let's look at the facts. The "sun" is red. Like communism. Like CORBYN. Would you want Corbyn running your country?
Of course you don't. We don't and we tell the hard working, brave, single mothers with hero soldiers and brave dogs how to vote. Point two. This "sun" and let's call it "our enemy" for arguments sake-
We'd rather not. This discussion has gotten a bit absurd even for our interviews-
Point two. Evil Muslim Jihadists who want to make you eat Burkhas and wear halal clothing live where it's really hot. And this "sun" is making Britain hot, which is making it more attractive for mad Muslim Jihadists to come over here. Like Corbyn. Who, and I'm only wildly speculating here, is encouraging more and more of these Evil jumped up mad Muslim Jihadists to swarm across our fair hard working English channel and clog up our Drs waiting rooms. Do you think that it's acceptable?
This is madness. You cant be blaming the heat wave on Corbyn. It's not like he's some sort of ancient weather wizard...hey what are you writing?
We see a headline that reads "Evil Corbyn In Ancient Reptilian Weather Wizardry Plot To Bake Britain Claims Respected Internet Journalist"
Oi! That's a lie! We're not respected! No one will ever believe that nonsense.
The Sun readers will. If we told them their own mothers we're aliens they'd turn them into the government. Hell we made the working class believe they were going to be better off under a Tory government! Then we did it again for the Brexit. We are literally drunk with power right now.
He was right as well