Istanbul, Turkey - Traveller Cenak Dropzekluk did not let terror stop him from continuing to watch a Denise Milani Youtube Video on his Samsung Galaxy.

"You should check out her tits," he said, his head wrapped in a bloody bandage.

Next to him a woman in tears still found it in her to shoot angry looks at a Barista who had not yet prepared her cafe.

"I paid it before the bombs went off," she said. "If I leave without a coffee, then the terrorists win."

The Barista appeared to have a serious head injury. Some kind of a shard was also sticking out of her thorax.

"It looks like something plastic," the anguish wrought customer said. "As long as she leaves it in there, it will staunch the bleeding, at least long enough for her to make me my damn coffee."

Rising from the smoke, flames, and rubble, Turkish security guards were soon making obscene comments to one another about young western women tourists, themselves wandering around in a daze.

"Nice ass," said one, pointing the tip of his machine gun at the buttocks of what had to have been a Scandinavian of some sort. She was bent over vomiting in a garbage can. She turned around and lost her balance.

"With tits to match," mumbled another, pointing at her jiggling big ones as she regained her footing before himself crumbling back down on the floor.

"He's lost a lot of blood," said the first and tried calling for help to Turkish emergency services, who put him on hold.

"Smoke break," he said, as his colleague lay motionless on the floor.

Meanwhile, back in the United States, President Obama told Americans to continue living their petty, insignificant lives, filled with pointless small minded dramas animated by an infantile spirit of vindictiveness.

"Those of a happier nature should just go binge shopping," he said. "That way the terrorists lose."

Turkish and American authorities report ISIS has claimed credit for the attack that killed 50 and injured scores of others. The group did not specify what, exactly, would bring such bombings to a stop.