The Little Black Book of Diplomacy

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 27 March 2016

image for The Little Black Book of Diplomacy
Read it While you Can! The Little Black Book of Diplomacy.

A whistleblower from MI6 using the pseudonym of "Mull of Kintyre" has published on the web a document that has the government reeling.

It is a memo that is written by the Home Office for use by ambassadors, politicians, spies and other functionaries of the state. Called "The Little Black Book of Diplomacy" it has been around in one form or another for many years apparently since the days of Walpole, if not before.

Churchill, Macmillan, and just about every other Prime Minster right up to Cameron have used it extensively. Chapter headings themselves are most, "What to say and do and When Caught out Lying"; "How to Get the Media to do your Bidding", "Concealing Your Crimes", "Choosing a Fall Guy", "Sheeple Mind Control", "Crooked Lawyers and Where to Find Them", "How to Obtain a Court Injunction
Against Anybody". "How to Escape the Law" (foreword by Tony Blair plus advice from Henry Kissinger; "Freemasons you Need to Know". So it goes on for over two hundred crammed pages.

All in all, the information contained in The Little Black Book is very damaging for the goverment. One section on The Use of Language is very revealing.

It lists hundreds of what it calls "Fodder Phrases" to be used in public and private official announcements. It explains in common parlance what they seem to mean and what they actually do mean. Here are a few:

"It is only fair..." = We have decided...
"Irrefutably..." = Our lawyers are seeking a loophole.
"I can assure you this issue is dead in the water." = Soon to re-emerge in another form.
"It is clear to me...." = My advisors instruct me...
"In my opinion..." = The party has decreed."
"We welcome dissent." = We need to know who the rats are in our own party.
"Our domestic interests..." = Our profiteering business concerns.
"We want the best for our country." = We alone ARE the country. It belongs to us.
"Politicians must be made accountable." = Catch us if you can.
"I am convinced that..." = I choose to believe.
"I have always thought..." = I just found out.
"Purity of principle..." = Pious bullshit for fellow hypocrites.
"Our traditional values..." = Dog eat dog.
"We stand for power, wealth and opportunity." = Grab it if you can, sucker.
"The cabinet will discuss this in depth.." = I will bring it up at the next lodge meeting.
"Social Justice..." = We recommend Schillings of London Law Firm.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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