Ode to George and Tony!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 21 June 2015


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He had, a lot to be responsible for, evil bastard, or was it those other ones?

"Tony old bean, I want to blow that bastard, Hussein's head off, are you with me, and we need that damn oil, bloody Texans are drying up?"

"Of course Georgie Porgie, we Brits have been licking US butts ever since you saved us from old Adolf and we don't intend to stop now!"

"Tony old boy, we need to convince those useless twats over at the UN that it's necessary to remove this evil buggar, so I'll send my weapon inspectors in to find some weapons of MS, you know what I mean, but not with our names on of course, bloody Russian or Chinese, that'll do it!"

George demands that UN inspectors are sent in and all they can find are 2 barrels of weed killer in the desert, but that's enough! They tell the world Saddam has a plethora of barrels filled with nuclear shit and knows if CNN sells the story the whole world will believe it.

George, Tony and their cohorts kick Iraq's butt, get rid of the bastard and open up a can of worms bigger than Medusa's heads and in the interim Bin Laden (?) is dumped into the Pacific so nobody can find him!

"Great work George, now who else can we remove and show the world how great and powerful we really are?"

In the interim George has become demented and Tony has been offered a position saving refugees from a UN mansion in tax-free Switzerland (It once belonged to Blatter, Sepp). They have been replaced by Obama and Cameron, in other words a satirical version of Dumb and Dumber, and the pair of them are determined to carry on the brilliant work of their predecessors!

Interim report: ISIS, Al Qaeda other terrorist groups are running riot in Iraq, Syria, Kenya, Somalia, Nigeria and everywhere else where there is no oil, apart from Iraq, but that's in the south not north.

"David old Bean, that bloody Gaddafi bastard is causing problems, he has to go!"

"Barack old chap, no prob send the jets in, bombard the bastard and secure that oil and screw Angela on the way! Plus the Greeks, they're bankrupt anyway, and Italy are a bunch of fascists run by the Mafia and Cammora, so they get what they deserve anyway!"

"David that'll teach our European clown allies, especially the Germans, to throw billions of Euros at Gaddafi for securing their southern border, now they'll get it big time and don't forget to keep your damn borders closed just like we do with those damn Spics!"

"Barack old boy, no prob, we would never sign up to that damn Shengen agreement, so we can keep the bastards in Calais and let the French deal with them, chauvinist pigs!"

Gaddafi is removed and it opens up the flood gates for every single African, Syrian or whoever to pay people smugglers thousands of Euros for a luxury boat cruise across the Mediterranean!

"David old Bean, now we'll see how old Angie deals with this pile of shit! Might even open the doors for European Nazi groups to take power and then we can give our weapon industry a real boost! But that bloody wolf in sheep's clothing, Putin, he's a real worry! Never mind, by the time WW3 is over we'll be in heaven and the trip would have been great in our diamond studded coffins, hallelujah, God shave the Queen!"

"That's the spirit Barack, I knew that you, being the first black president, would free all ethnic minorities from global slavery and where better to start than in Angie's back garden, those damn Germans will never learn, Master Race my butt!"

The rest is history, that we prefer to forget!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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