Labour Leadership Candidate Secretly Filmed At Tory Fundraiser

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Friday, 24 July 2015

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This is what'll be left of the Labour party if Kendall gets her way.

Leicester West MP Liz Kendall is facing a Labour party internal inquiry after an appearance at a Tory gala evening hosted by Lord Ashcroft.

Lefty Liz, as she's never been called, was filmed by an undercover reporter telling the audience that her plan to destroy the Labour party from within was going as well as she could ever have imagined.

She said, "As you all know I'm really a Tory. The plan all along was for me to run for the leadership and be as unappealing as possible. The intention is to make sure Jeremy Corbyn wins. The more right wing I behave the more likely it is to happen."

Many believe if Mr Corbyn wins the Labour party will tear itself to pieces like a demented dog on mind bending drugs.

Kendall's speech continued after a standing ovation for no apparent reason, "Once Corbyn is elected they'll fall apart squabbling like morons. That's when I'll defect to the Conservative party and we can then begin properly dismantling everything this country holds dear. We can make Thatcher look like a lilly livered trade union loving Michael Foot impersonator. Yes, let's burn down the NHS! Yes, let's trample all over the welfare state. Screw the poor! In fact, let's feed them to our rich friends!"

After rapturous applause had died down and Ms Kendall wiped some foam away from the corner of her mouth she was tranquillised and put into the boot of a mark II Ford Capri before being whisked back to her constituency.

We asked Labour party HQ for a comment on this shocking revelation, and after they'd finished arguing over the last Rolo they informed us they would be holding a never ending inquiry beginning next week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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