UK Prime Minister Call Me Dave has announced dramatic plans to redefine poverty in his continuing mission to further his career and improve his popularity amongst Blue Party backbenchers.
The move is in line with the Party's General Popularity contest winning 'A Brighter Future For Everyone (Except You)' campaign manifesto. The Blues have already set plans in motion to sell every publically owned asset to their corporate overmasters.
Call Me Dave claimed that the new definition of poverty would be one that is 'easier to understand for everyone' because 'the current definition is a little wishy-washy; poverty has become confused and indefinable.'
Speaking at a Blue Party conference, Call Me Dave stated: "If one is sheltered from the rain whether it be by a solar panelled roof or a cardboard box; if they have shelter, they are not living in poverty. Poverty is a lifestyle of the homeless, and those who were not privately educated.'
"My career goals mean that my children will not live in poverty. I refuse to acknowledge a definition of poverty that includes children."
Many of the party's members who have opposed Call Me Dave in the past have supported a redefinition of poverty stating that such a move: 'perfectly expresses the ideals' of the party, and cements 'Call Me Dave as the party's greatest leader since Maggie Milksnatcher.'
