"Law and Order" Hoover Institute Frames Ed Balls Re: Election Riots

Written by TM_Dealer

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The achingly-TECHNICALLY-NOT-NEO-CON!!! Hoover Institute has been facing, not so much a funding crisis, (hell no!) as a trolling crisis.

Yup! By now, millions of still-benighted citizens of the Global Village wildly insinuate that they have finally sussed out what's going on…

Aye, a wicked legion of notoriously disingenuous and cynical conspiracy theorists now wantonly assert that the Hoover Institute is not actually a serious academic institution at all…

But merely a self-serving warmongering agitprop factory for dead self-loathing Lebanese turncoats like…

Um, never mind. A vicious hack and defamer of the noble dead from a notable entertainment outlet told me off the record that this guy actually faked his own death; so I'd better be careful not to frickin' slander him, or else!!!

Anyway, that's all a pile of crap, as we know. Only a blazing, unpatriotic pinko would ever claim that the Hoover Institute is anything other thanT.

The Sole and Blessed Hope of Our Common Everlasting and Universal Emancipation Project of Mutual Advancement, Our Common Prosperity, and the Indefatigability of the Human Spirit to Triumph Over All Odds.

Still, it turns out that in order to gain a few more twittervotes, the rather sluggish Hoover Institute has forged an untimely and belated document to "discredit" the notable public figure and working-class-hero, Ed Balls. This is what Their Ed had to say about the recent riots…

If you believe all you read from conspicuously independent and achingly intellectual think-tanks, of course.

So an incontinent mob on Twitter (sorry, that was rude; I mean, a multitude of not particularly nice people)…

Well, they have been using a hashtag that suggests ignoring the result of a democratic election. That sounds rather un-British to me… I mean, democracy is what we are all about, after all.

Still, if I were in favor of somewhat-to-the-right-of-New-Labour conspiracy theories, I would be half
tempted to think these "grassroots" protests are being instigated by external forces…

However, this is unlikely, since the Berlin Wall has fallen long since, and nobody believes in Soviet Communism any more, if they ever did.

I mean I once did, but then I figured that wasn't a real vote-winner.

But are people seriously asking for the cancellation of the election of a democratically elected (if corrupt) government?

How many of these people actually voted anyway?

Is their rage inspired by guilt at not voting?

What were they doing on voting day?

No use crying over spilt milk, unless you are a well-meaning working-class-policy-wonk who thinks that economics is socially constructed.

Yes, we know the Tories are violent warmongers blah blah blah, so are all the big parties, and many of the small ones.

(Sorry, I don't mean to sound dismissive like that).

But, you know, in the field of radical left-wing performance theatre, no one has criticised the UK political scene for its vicious and corrupt warmongering more than me and my comrades…

Um, friends, in Labour.

But I would never dream of grabbing a plastic jackboot and calling for the abolition of democratic elections like some are doing.

Now there are conspiracy theories about a supposed "media blackout," as though there were anything dishonorable about depriving what some are calling the anti-voting lobby, of media oxygen.

I'm not opposed to protesting, but what we are seeing here in some contexts (e.g. Twitter) is people claiming the moral high ground while denying the results of an election where there have been no allegations of corruption in the election process.

The government is elected, it is my government, your government, their government.

So if people want to challenge the result of a democratic vote then they should find another planet in the solar system or preferably galaxy where secular liberal parliamentary democracy doesn't exist.

(Oh wait, forgive me, that was a bit right-wing; I mean, I'm actually quite a nice person compared to some in my industry…

Yes, I'm practically Nick Clegg on a stick!

But maybe that's my problem…

Indeed. People tell me I would make a lovely arts and crafts instructor or drama teacher, but I'm just not cut out for the brutish, solitary, nasty, short-arse world of Westminster Realpolitik. :(

Still, speaking of being nice; you just cannot use the bad ethos of a political party as an excuse for hooliganism. The government is the legitimately elected government, and that's that.

You know, something very sad happened to me on election day, and I felt quite disheartened afterwards.

Yes, that's right. I heard a lovely flock of birds performing a simply wonderful dusk chorus at the polling station.

So I got mildly distracted, and accidentally voted for the TUSC.

But I still accept the result of the election. Do I like the Tories? Not very much.

But I certainly don't like Labour either…

Oh well that is rather harsh, I mean I just don't like them that terribly, terribly much.

George Osborne sneers (excuse the tautology):

It is June 2015, our regime has already been in power for 1 000 weeks, and it's only now that Ed Balls raises his head and starts "deconstructing" and "problematizing" the given political status quo.

Now, if that's the best he can do, maybe he can stick with all his flamboyantly postmodern metaphysical speculations on the social construction of tax flows.

On the other hand, highly esteemed Hooray Henry and swan-munching-Potomac sycophant David Cameron says:

Now hearken unto me when I say this, chickiebums. The Hoover Institute has performed a simply splendid act of radical right-wing performance theatre.

This will undoubtedly bestow upon Us All the yummiest of chum-chum-assistances for Our National Interest.

For, as the old pleb witticism runs:

To whom does the National Interest refer?

Well, it sure as hell isn't yours. And it sure as hell isn't mine…

So that only leaves one person in this world.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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