Disoriented and confused, 33-year-old Ross Edgy was found off the coast of Scotland (or maybe it was Wales), having swum in circles for 12 days. I left Kent, or maybe it was Limerick, on—well, it was sometime this year, I think—bound for France—or...
It has been over two years now since the UK's referendum on whether national symbol Britannia should remain a woman, or should become a man. The vote for the sex change narrowly won, but still we are no closer to seeing her with a cock and balls.
Brexit covers the newspapers these days like a tramp's vomit, but it isn't the first time Britain has considered leaving a large international organisation - it nearly happened in 1886. While the British Empire was approaching its peak, there was a small movement for Britain to leave it. Coincidentally, it was led by my great-uncle, also named Sir Geoffroy Cockface. Sir Geoffroy was trouserer t...
"The United Kingdom is open for business, now more than ever," that was Prime Minister Theresa May's post-Brexit message to journalists gathered at No. 10 Downing Street yesterday. Words expelled with both vigor and pomp, she was speaking after sign...
Prime Minister, Theresa May, has now appointed Britian's first ever Minister for Fashion. Former Lord Chancellor and Brexit architect, Michael Gove, began work yesterday in his new offices just off Carnaby Street. "Couldn't be a better location",...
Britain's National Treasures, including the likes of Julie Walters and Dame Judi Dench, are to be rounded up and housed in a museum it was announced today. The new Culture Secretary, Karen Bradley today unveiled her plans stating that it was vita...
LONDON, ENGLAND - The damning economic report issued today revealed the lowest GDP growth figures in British history, effectively rendering Britain a third world country. Economists, politicians and self-proclaimed "experts" from down the pub wer...
RIYADH, KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA - Saudi Arabia, the oil rich Gulf state, has continued its attempt to shake its bad reputation as a regressive, brutal dictatorship by joining the British motoring show Top Gear, replacing host Chris Evans, who left th...
In a shock statement, the tenth circle of hell from Dante's "Inferno" has been named as the Northern Line at rush hour. Intended as the circle to punish commuters for trusting the British public transportation system, this horrendous site sees an...
HEAVEN - God announced today in a press statement that he aimed to step down from the role of God. He clarified that: "it's difficult being God, people don't really get that there's a lot to it, you know, unleashing fiery vengeance upon whores an...
After watching the first bumbling day of the National Republican Convention in Cleveland, one can only remark, with a degree of envy, Great Britain does it better! Or as the song goes: Nobody Does It Better… Yep! David Cameron was PM for breakf...
According to a spokesman for the Celtic Universal Rights Society (CURS), Mr Dai Jones, the Celts were driven out of what is now Britain by successive waves of invaders, such as the Romans and Anglo-Saxons, leaving them only what is now Wales and part...
Jaggedone's CIA (cockroach Infiltration Army) special demographic upheaval reporter, Sir Bob Subterranean-Blues-Witherspoon, spent a filthy night under the English Channel observing an Exodus (Bob Marley intro please) of True Brits flooding the Chann...
Politicians in London emerged from the basement at 10 Downing Street after spending 3 weeks sequestered in a marathon brainstorming session to contrive a scheme to quash the Scottish rebellion and subjugate them with draconian punitive measures. T...
(Or, actually what Cameron meant to say but didn't, being the gentleman that he is and everything.) "Over the last five years, we have placed our country, according to our business partners' demands, in the U.S. and elsewhere, under total bureaucr...
Here is a verbatim report from an article in a leading British Paper. We are not making this up. This is actually what it said: "Sex scandal Labour grandee Lord Janner has been probed over allegations he was part of a Westminster paedophile ring. The Met police spent six months investigating claims the peer - said to be too frail from dementia to be prosecuted - was a guest at London sex a...
We have lost our bloody way as a nation we have. Our country has become infiltrated by joyless snobbish lefties, filthy immigrants, rampant homosexuals who are up for anything and miserable and fat feminists. What happened to the good old days innit? The good old days of Only Fools and Horses, Rolf Harris, Rod Stewart, The National Front, It It Ain't Half Hot Mum, New Faces, Jim'll Fix It, Dav...
We at Back and to the Left news pride ourselves on giving everyone a voice, including those of us who don't deserve one. We try to be as fair as we can be when it comes down to our interviews and subsequent write ups. So when we decided to interview a member of the group Britain First our peers (the other people in the hostel we currently call home) we're shocked. They asked us "why would you give...
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