Manchester United F.C. ... What a Shambles

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

image for Manchester United F.C. ... What a Shambles

Real Madrid have today confirmed a deal to bring Manchester United's bright young Mexican striker Hernandez to the Bernabeu in July 2012 if, as expected, he becomes a world class striker.

Little Pea

President Florentino Perez met last week with Javier Hernández Gutiérrez, "Chicharito" father and agent, as well as the Old Trafford chief executive David Gill, who prepared the ground for his sale by contrasting the financial position of Manchester United to that of the Spanish giants.

Big Bean

Speaking to a Press conference in Madrid earlier this afternoon Perez announced that a clause had been made in the contract that stated that Real would only sign the striker if he became "a truly world class player over the next 18 months". In a ground breaking agreement Madrid would be able to pull out of the deal if Hernandez failed to score 25 plus goals in either of the next two Premiership seasons.

Yes they do eat guinea pig's, I've seen them

Perez continued: "We only want the very best. If Chicharito turns out to be another Cristiano Ronaldo we have an agreement with Manchester United that we will buy him for 25 million euros plus Karim Benzema at the end of the 2011-12 season. If however he turns out to be another Karim Benzema we have an understanding that we can cancel the transfer and look for alternatives"

Charlie Drake

It is rumoured that Hernández is not the only player at Old Trafford to have such an agreement. Talking to our Sports correspondent Peter Shankly an insider inside said: "Since the Glazer's took over most young players at United have it written into their contracts that if they become anywhere near half decent they will be sold off to either Real Madrid or Barcelona or more depressingly Manchester City or Chelsea."

Graham Rix

"It is common knowledge inside Old Trafford that if Wayne Rooney's form returns and he manages not to sleep with any more elderly prostitutes he will be moving to Maine Road for £30 million at the end of the season. However if his form returns but he can't keep his hands off old ladies tets he will be travelling down the M1 to sign for Chelsea, a club well versed in dealing with it's employees sexual improprieties"

Bearded American Malcolm, and that's not a euphemism

The strategy of selling off all their valuable assets to the highest bidder was defended today by club owner Malcolm Glazer: "When are the fans going to realize Manchester is not a charity, we are running a business here. We made a $70 million net profit on transfers last season, what other top European soccer team could claim that. With the sale of Rooney and possibly Hernandez if he keeps improving, we are be looking at an inventory turnover ratio of well over 10. Anyone with even a basic understanding of macroeconomics would be impressed by that"

What a load of old Gordon Tullock's

Fans were left bemused as the American businessman then spent the next 30 minutes listing all the Economic terms he had learnt at High school including "Opportunity Cost" "Liquidity Ratio" "Average Variable Cost" "Elasticity of Demand" and his own personal favourite "Marginal Rate of Substitution"

Trotskyite but safe around children

Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment but is not known for his love of either the free market or the laws of supply and demand.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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