Written by Proffitt

Monday, 18 October 2010

image for Rooney to leave Manchester United
Big tits n a book - Rooney heaven

Wayne Rooney has confirmed he is to leave Manchester United next summer. In an exclusive interview he said: 'My heart lies elsewhere and so it's not fair on the fans.'

Rooney was once a world number one however of late his talents have fallen short of expectations. So, what are the intentions of our favourite brothel creeper? Believe it or not Wayne intends to publish a book or two!

'I have harboured such a desire for some time,' mussed Wayne. 'If one were to ignore such a calling one might smite the will of God himself for such referrals surely must be divine in nature.'

So, what will be Wayne's bench mark book? Will it be 'Peter and Jayne 'Don't Take Sweets from Strangers' or something a little less involving such as Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code?'

When we asked Wayne he said: 'I have just finished Dante's 'Devine Comedy' and it inspired me to put quill to parchment. When such a literary feast is laid bare on the craggy table of one's eyes one should battle legions of men to ensure his written word is printed.'

We asked Wayne when he thinks he will be starting his masterpiece.

'Not for a few weeks yet as I have 'Manchester's Greatest Brothels' to finish and that means there's still some shaggin' to be had!'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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