DETROIT – (Sports Satire) – The entire Lions organization from the owners, to the coaches, to the players, to the cheerleaders, and even to the hot dog vendors are sick and tired of the team's winless record.
Lions coach Dan Campbell told Zorro La Bamba with the Sports Bet Gazette that he feels so guilty that he may return some of his salary, but then maybe not.
The Lions record is 0-9-1. Many season ticket holders are asking for a refund, but the Lion’s owner Shelia Ford Hamp stated that she has never returned anyone’s money, and she is certainly not going to start now.
She did want to make it perfectly clear, that all of the vulgar, nasty text messages, Instagrams, and emails she has received lately will not make her change her mind one damn fucking bit.
Ms. Ford Hamp noted that she is willing to give the season ticket holders a $2 discount on stadium parking, as well as a 5% discount on hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, condoms, and fortune cookies.
