DETROIT – (Sports Satire) – The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that Lions owner Shelia Ford Hamp is one very unhappy woman.
Hamp recently told SBG reporter Pico de Gallo, that all of this losing is causing her to have migraine headaches, stomach cramps, hallucinations, and unidentified rumblings in her crotch region.
Lions coach Dan Campbell said that Ms. Hamp is so upset that she has just fired Roary the team’s mascot.
Reports are that Roary has hired the services of famed attorney Gloria Allred, who has assured him that she will get his job back mucho pronto (real fast).
Coach Campbell also pointed out that the team owner has fired the entire special teams members, and she is seriously thinking of canning every one of the team’s cheerleaders for lack of enthusiastic rah-rahing.
One extremely sexy cheerleader, with the initials Z.P.P. remarked that if she gets fired, she will go to the press and reveal intimate details about the popcorn that the stadium sells in the concession stands.
Meanwhile In Other Sports News. NASCAR driver Guy “Bubba” Wickedwood of Duck Dung, Alabama, is denying that his racing team is using illegal air in the tires of his race car.