ROTTEN PEACHES, Georgia – (Sports Satire) – One of the most amazing thoroughbred race horses to ever hit the race tracks is two-year-old Global Warming.
The horse is owned and trained by the living legend horse trainer Bob Baffert, who is considered to be the Tom Brady of horse racing.
Global Warming handedly won the 47th running of The Georgia Galloping Derby, where he easily beat out the second place finisher Oklahoma Sooner or Later by 17 lengths.
Even as a young colt, Global Warming, was already beating seasoned thoroughbreds in exhibition races by as much as 9 lengths, and not even breaking out in a sweat.
GloWar, as famed jockey Laffit Pincay, Jr., has tagged him, has been described by Elon Musk as lightning on four hooves.
The Turnstile Review recently named him “The Greatest Race Horse of All-Time,” and noted horse racing enthusiast Ashley Judd has stated, on the record that Global Warming will retire undefeated.
When Baffert was asked what he attributes his horse’s greatness to, he smiled and said, firstly to excellent genes, and secondly he revealed that he tells GloWar every morning that if he keeps on winning, he will continue to give him the best and most delicious hay (which he has imported from Texas four times a week).
SIDENOTE: Bob did not want to put this out, but he also provides GloWar with the prettiest and sexiest Arabian mares on both sides of the Mississippi River.