The Boston Red Sox Organization Has Just Issued An Extremely Well-Received Statement

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 2 June 2021

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The Boston Red Sox are giving fans who show their Covid Card a 90% discount on beer, popcorn, and nachos.

BOSTON – (Sports Satire) – Boston Red Sox management, has stated that effective immediately, firearms will be strictly prohibited from the team’s locker room, the dugout, and the bullpen.

Red Sox chief of security Miles P. McMiles stated that he for one is one happy fella. and he added that he knows his stress level will be going from 96 down to at least 14.

The team batboy, also pointed out that now, he will not have to turn in his resignation due to his being afraid-as-hell.

A spokesperson for Major League Baseball is proud of the Red Sox move and he hopes that other teams like the Philadelphia Phillies, the Houston Astros, and the cellar-dwelling Baltimore Orioles will follow the example the Calcetines Rojos, as the Red Sox are known in Tijuana, Mexico, have set.

Meanwhile, In Late-Breaking News. Congressman Matt Gaetz allegedly told his maid, that he thinks he may be 87% gay.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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