HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – Houston Astros superstar Jose Altuve says he is really missing his former teammate George Springer, but adds that he is ready to start the 2021 ‘beisbol’ season.
The Venezuelan native, and man who will one day be the president of Venezuela, told Sporting Chance Magazine's Hercules Confetti that he is as happy as a woodpecker in a pencil factory, that, finally, the sign-stealing scandal is now behind him; way behind him.
The tiny second-baseman said that he gave his BFF, Springer, who has joined the Toronto Blue Jays, a going away present, which consisted of a frozen food container filled with tacos, tamales, tortillas, and Tostitos.
Altuve also sent Springer a pair of maracas, two guayabera shirts, a sexy photo of Eva Longoria, and two pinatas.
One of the pinatas was of the L.A. Dodgers mascot, and the other was of Texas Governor Greg “Shithead" Abbott, who is about as well-liked in Texas, as tornados are in Oklahoma.