The Newly-Signed Jacksonville Jaguars Tight End Tim Tebow Says He’s As Happy As A Woodpecker In A Pencil Factory

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 23 May 2021

image for The Newly-Signed Jacksonville Jaguars Tight End Tim Tebow Says He’s As Happy As A Woodpecker In A Pencil Factory
Tim stated that he recently signed a $4.7 million deal to star in Gatorade commercials.

JACKSONVILLE, Florida – (Sports Satire) – Tim Tebow, has just signed a $920,000 one-year contract with the Jacksonville Jaguars to play tight end.

His contract also calls for him to receive an extra $45,000 for each touchdown pass that he catches.

Tim is excited to have been signed by Jaguars coach Urban Meyer, who he first met when he was working as a French fry cook at a Burger Bandit Restaurant.

The new Jaguar will wear number 85, said he told Jags quarterback Trevor Lawrence to just throw the football as far as he can toss it, and that he'll make sure to get to it.

Tim Tebow is noted for being the only NFL player who can outrun an African gazelle.

He did it on a bet with TNT NBA sports analyst Charles “El Tubbo” Barkley. Charles could not believe what he saw, but he quickly paid Tebow the $15,000 he bet him.

The Jaguars new tight end was asked by Dottie Bazooka with Sports Balls Illustrated if it’s true that he is so superstitious that he changes his athletic cup at halftime.

Tim smiled like the Colorado cat that swallowed the Connecticut canary and replied, “Why shucks ma'am, that’s true by golly gee whiz.”

SIDENOTE: The Jacksonville Jaguars finished the 2020 NFL season at (1-15), which was the worst record in the entire NFL. T.T. is predicting that this year the team will finish with a (13-3) record.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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