A List of Commercial Products You Won’t See Advertised on This Year’s Super Bowl

Funny story written by Fannin Fabriano

Thursday, 4 February 2021

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Super Bowl LV color analyst Tony Romo pointed out that 49.2% of all Super Bowl viewers will be female.

(NOT EDITED) The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Kansas City Chiefs will be playing in Super Bowl LV. But behind the scenes, The Super Bowl Committee on Commercials has issued some extremely strict guidelines and requirements for all commercials.

The United States Department of Electronic Mediums has made it perfectly clear that no advertiser will mention the names Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, or Kimberly Guilfoyle. They have also mandated that any couples appearing in commercials will have to be a mixed couple (i.e. a white and a black, an Asian and a white, a Native American and a black, etc).


1. Lumberjack Condoms

2. Snippity Snip – The Do-It-Yourself Dog Neutering Kit

3. Glow-in-The-Dark Beer

4. Yes, Oh Yes, The Labia Majora Soothing Cream

5. Marijuana Flavored Wine Coolers

6. Sex Organ Shaped Ice

7. Disposable Vibrators

8. Grandma Gertie’s Reversible Pantiliners

9. Cellulite-Be-Gone Spray

10. KKK Recruitment Ads

NOTE: The Lumberjack Condom Company, of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, has filed a multi million lawsuit against Roger Goodell, The NFL, and the mayor of Tampa Bay and his beautiful wife.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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