The Jacksonville Jaguars Pick Up 3 Kickers in The NFL Draft

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 1 May 2021

image for The Jacksonville Jaguars Pick Up 3 Kickers in The NFL Draft
With the selection of 3 new kickers, the Jaguars now have 4 kickers on their football roster.

CLEVELAND, Ohio – (Sports Satire) – In a move that has literally shocked 99.7% of all sports writers, reporters, pundits, and fans, the Jacksonville Jaguars have taken 3 kickers in the NFL Draft.

Sports Bet Gazette’s Zorro La Bamba, stated that he has no idea why in the wide, wide world of sports, the Jags would draft three kickers.

La Bamba pointed out that it is without question, one of the sport world’s greatest mysteries, especially since Jacksonville finished last season with the worst record in the entire 30-team NFL at (1-15).

Jaguar’s coach Doug Marrone was asked by La Bamba for a comment on the selection of an unprecedented 3 kickers.

Coach Marrone shook his head, took a drink of his Seven & Seven, shrugged his shoulders, and came very close to crying.

He composed himself and answered, “Look Zorro, It beats the total, absolute, hellacious hell out of me, but don’t quote me, I need my job.”

Team running back Dare Ogunbowale (#33) upon hearing of the tri-kicker selection replied “Say what da hell bro!?”

And current place kicker Josh Lambo (#4) simply said, “Damnit it all! I guess, I better put my house up for sale.”

Meanwhile, team owner, Shahid Khan, was asked by the assembled sports media “Why???”

Khan giggled like a schoolgirl, and replied that 19 years ago, he read a book about the great, legendary Green Bay Packers coach, Vince Lombardi.

He went on to say that he got the idea for drafting 3 kickers from Lombardi's book which is titled, “Buy and Read My Book – And You Too Can Be A Fabulously Fantastic Winner.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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