NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) – After much deliberating, the World Summer Olympic Committee has decided that twerking will no longer be an Olympic event beginning with the upcoming Summer Olympics.
A spokesperson for the WSOC stated that the reason they have eliminated the event is due to the fact that more athletes have gotten hurt from twerking, than from all of the other Olympic events combined.
He stressed that in 2016, a total of 13 athletes were hurt during twerking competition, including gold medal twerking champion, Felicity Baxbocker of Icy Chalet, Switizerland, who was hurt at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, seriously injuring her pubic bone and an ovary.
Especially upset in this non-twerking ruling is the tiny country of Pisagovia, whose only athlete, had been favored to win the gold medal in Women’s Twerking.
Rebecca Fontinvoo, 22, said she had been practicing her twerking routines seven days a week for 14 hours a day, and she admitted that she is so devastated she's missed her last two periods.
Fontinvoo, commented that 4 boyfriends had broken up with her because she wouldn’t even let them get to first base, due to her being as busy as an Oregon beaver.
Miley Cyrus, who is perhaps the most famous twerker in the entire world, and whose ass was once clocked at 127 miles per hour, has vowed to go to bat for the little country of Pisagovia and especially for Miss Baxbocker,
Miss Cyrus, will be meeting with the presiding officer of the United Nations Volkan Bozkir, in an attempt to get the extremely popular and highly lascivious sport of twerking reinstated back for the upcoming Summer Olympics.