CHICAGO – (Sports Satire) – A scientific journal is reporting that millions of American males have become quite depressed.
The American Journal of Sports Withdrawal Maladies has released a study stating that, now that the Super Bowl has been played, and the NFL season is shut down until next summer, lots and lots of NFL fanatics are going stir-crazy.
Dr. Jonas F. Pillnitzer of Doc Holliday Medical University in Tombstone, Arizona, has said that this sports withdrawal malady is the worst he has seen in his 42 years of medical practice.
He noted that most men are refusing to get medical help for their NFL football withdrawal syndrome, which can become a potentially devastating illness. He added that this malady does not affect women; noting that their sports hormones are a whole lot stronger.
The Sports Bet Gazette disclosed that many wives and girlfriends of these individuals are extremely concerned, as some men have gotten so bad that they refuse to go to work, mow the lawn, or in extreme cases, drink beer.
One woman in Norwegian Wood, Kentucky, said that her husband went to the store a few days ago to buy beer, cigarettes, Tostitos, and a head of cabbage, and has yet to return.
Another woman in Guacamole Grove, California, told her husband's mom, that her husband has refused to eat, and has dropped down from 372 pounds to 341, in just one week.
Dr. Pillnitzer, suggests that wives, girlfriends, and children can get help for their husbands, boyfriends, or daddies by calling 1-800-ITSOVER.
