NORTE DAME, Indiana – (Sports Satire) – The director of the Notre Dame football program has just made a surprising announcement.
Brother Sylvester Bob, who has headed the Fighting Irish football program since 1993, has said that the decision to terminate football at the Catholic school may take place soon.
He noted that, for many years, the players and the school have butted heads with the college administrators, due to the fact that every member of the football team hates having to wear, what they refer to as, those boring-as-heck ugly khaki school outfits.
The college’s starting quarterback, Max Acorn, 21, added that, as if the outfits weren’t bad enough, the players resent having to wear those hideously embarrassing bow-ties with the likeness of St. Mickey, the patron saint of sports, emblazoned on the side.
Sophomore All-American defensive tackle, Jericho Viperwater, 27, commented that the players, to a man, despise the school’s wine and crackers policy, which has positively gotten way out of hand, noting that one can only eat so many darn crackers, and drink so much darn wine.
Several of the football players even suggested substituting Diet Coke and Oreo Cookies, but Brother Sylvester Bob told them that, for all he cares, they can all quit and go play for the Ohio State Buckeyes, that college that most of their players arrogantly refer to as “THE” Ohio State University.