TAMPA BAY – (Sports Satire) – Boom Boom News reported that Tampa Bay police officers arrested 900 Super Bowl fans, who ended up missing the big game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Kansas City Chiefs, due to plain and simple unadulterated stupidity.
Captain Eldin F. Baconmiddle, with the TBPD, who admitted to betting $4,000 on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, stated that most of the 900 arrests were due to parking lot tailgaters not wearing medical masks, shoes, or pants.
One genius beer-bellied fan, told police officers that the only way he could eat six hot dogs, and drink six beers, without taking off his mask, was to insert them anally.
The officer arrested him and told him that he was going to charge him for not wearing a mask, but for also being one dumbass, perverted, dipshit.
Two very attractive buxom Kansas City Chiefs fans, who drove to Florida from Joplin, Missouri, were arrested for taking off their bikini tops and molesting each other’s tatas, next to the nachos pavilion.
And a die-hard, extremely overweight, 93-year-old New York Jets fan was taken into custody for flashing her wrinkled-as-hell vagina at two nuns, who had merely pointed out that her gigantic panties were sitting on her ankles.
The game turned into a blow-out as the Bucs clobbered the Chiefs, 31-9. The Chiefs coach stated that his team lost because of huge amounts of Tangerine pollen that was floating all over Raymond James Stadium.