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Funny story: Mike Ashley Is A Cuntroversial Man

Mike Ashley Is A Cuntroversial Man

Ex England boss and full-time chippy connoisseur, Sam Allardyce, has sensationally revealed today that he has turned down an approach from Newcastle United to return as manager. In a phone interview with owner, Mike Ashley, Big Sam reportedly said:...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Maureen's Friends(?), Solskjaer Sweet Shop, Braintree Town "WTF?"

Football Gossip: Maureen's Friends(?), Solskjaer Sweet Shop, Braintree Town "WTF?"

Former Manchester United goalkeeper Anders Lindegaard says David Moyes replacing Sir Alex Ferguson at Old Trafford was like "charging an iPhone with a Nokia charger" whereas the appointment of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was like "letting a three-year-old l...

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Funny story: Greedy Owner Blames Closure of Department Stores on Greedy Owners

Greedy Owner Blames Closure of Department Stores on Greedy Owners

Billionaire businessman Mike Ashley has blasted "greedy landlords" for the closure of several House of Fraser department stores. The Sports Direct and Newcastle United FC owner stepped in to buy the historical chain for £90 million when it looked...

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Funny story: Chinese Player Performs Miracle on FIFA 14

Chinese Player Performs Miracle on FIFA 14

Li Win Don, a Chinese teenager living in China has become the first player to unlock the secret code on FIFA 14 after he scored with both Ameobi brothers in the same match. The miracle feat occurred at 14:30 GMT last Wednesday, to which EA Sports...

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Funny story: WWE owner Vince McMahon's proposals for Changes in Football

WWE owner Vince McMahon's proposals for Changes in Football

Rumours have circulated over the last week that Professional Wrestling company owner Vince McMahon has been enquiring about the possibility of buying English football team Newcastle United FC. However, the WWE Chairman has made a series of proposals about how to change the game to make it connect more with the professional wrestling audience. 1.) Newcastle United will rename themselves "The...

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Funny story: Football fans responsible for dirty dishes

Football fans responsible for dirty dishes

Bad news if you do not have a dishwasher and like eating your food using clean cutlery and sparkling plates. West Ham fans, including Ray Winstone, Danny Dyer and some movie person who once saw them on the TV have exhausted the UK's supply of fairy l...

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Funny story: JFK- Joe F**king Kinnear

JFK- Joe F**king Kinnear

"Right let's get one thing straight, I don't like you and you don't like me." Raged Newcastle's new Director of football Joe Kinnear. "You don't even know us." Back and to the Left news protested. Even by our standards this interview had started b...

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Funny story: Roy Kinnear of the Tyne!

Roy Kinnear of the Tyne!

St. James Park, Newcastle: The Tyne flows and along comes a veteran gunslinger, Roy Kinnear, brought in by Mike Ashley in a new role as an assassinator or terminator... Upon his appointment Roy Kinnear referred to players Yohan "Kebab" (Cabaye),...

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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 19th August 2012

Football Gossip & comments 19th August 2012

Vurnon Anita has completed his move from Ajax to Newcastle United on a five-year contract. (BBC Sport) I reckon she'd form a great partnership with Andy Carroll. A new book claims that Manchester City "accidentally" made an offer for Lionel Messi, swiftly rejected, on the night the club was taken over by Sheikh Mansour in 2008. (Sunday Mirror) Messi in Manchester? What a load of old kaka.

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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 18th August 2012

Football Gossip & comments 18th August 2012

Toulouse defender Cheikh M'Bengue, 24, has revealed he is wanted by Arsenal. (Daily Star) Shake yar money to Cheik M'Bengue, Arsenal - theirs noting toulouse! Meanwhile, the Craven Cottage club have rejected a 'very low' bid from Manchester United for midfielder Moussa Dembele, 25. (TalkSPORT) A spokesman for United explained the 'low' offer. "It's al down to the share price imn New York do...

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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 17th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 17th July 2012

Liverpool striker Andy Carroll, 23, has told his representatives to secure him a return to Newcastle. (from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle) But the Reds will seek to recoup at least £20m from the sale of Carroll this summer, a valuation that will sorely test Newcastle's aspirations to re-sign the England striker (The Guardian) I can imagine the conversation now - Liverpool: "We want £20 mi...

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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 9th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 9th July 2012

Talksport Alan Pardew insists he is doing everything he can to keep striker Demba Ba, 27, at Newcastle I find handcuffs work best. Daily Mail Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey, 21, admits he and his team-mates have no idea how the situation with striker Robin van Persie will pan out. Have you thought about seeing a clairvoyant? Liverpool are understood to have had a bid rejected for 25-yea...

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Funny story: Dalglish For The Chop Following April Fool's Day Debacle

Dalglish For The Chop Following April Fool's Day Debacle

Insiders today reported that Kenny Dalglish faces the sack at his beloved Anfield, following yet another Liverpool defeat - their sixth in seven games - away to Newcastle United, with the Geordies running out easy winners by a 2-0 margin. In a dis...

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Funny story: Magpies steal United's jewels!

Magpies steal United's jewels!

A swarm of Magpies flew over Newcastle last night and stole all of United's jewels, and the show! In fact United's jewels didn't shine at all, they were too busy being "rubbed up" and pecked at by the Black and White flock of Magpies. United's bri...

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Funny story: Retired Golden Girl sparks Toon Premier League surge

Retired Golden Girl sparks Toon Premier League surge

Who would have thought it, The Toon at 4th place in the Premier League? No, it's the playmaker who is making it all happen. An American actress better known for her biting performances in a famous TV comedy sitcom is the driving force behind Newca...

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Funny story: QPR sign git

QPR sign git

QPR have signed Newcastle git Joey Barton. "I have always admired Joey as a git" said manager Neil Warnock. Barton will now be the highest earning git at QPR and fans are hoping the arrival of Joey will attract other big gits to the club: "We a...

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Funny story: Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Gunners' boss Arsene Wenger has turned up the heat on football fugitive Joey Barton. Rumours are circulating the North London underworld that 'Frenchie' Wenger has sent a Michael Caine lookalike up to Newcastle with instructions to "Get Joey."...

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