NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) – Due to the increasing Coronapalooza numbers, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has decided to put an end to the traditional Sunday football game tailgate parties in the stadium parking lots.
Goodell told Sports Territory Magazine that there is just no way on earth that fans can eat a hot dog, a hamburger, or fajitas without taking off their masks.
He noted that someone had suggested that drinking beer through drinking straws would be legal. Goodell said that there is not a beer-drinker in America, who would stoop to drinking beer through a straw, not even a hillbilly from the backwoods of Arkansas.
Meanwhile, Peter "Baby Back Ribs" Mayflower, 34, who represents a football fan group calling itself The Tailgating SOBs has threatened to file a class action lawsuit, claiming that their right to eat has been taken away by the NFL.
Commissioner Roger Goodell has replied that fans do not run the effen NFL, and, if they piss him off, he'll triple the friggin' ticket prices.